Of God and sex.

I write this with a certain amount of disgression, as subject matter may be viewed as controversial. I write to invoke thought and can only give my personal opinion as it is my blog.

For my thirteenth birthday, my parents gave me a purity ring. I remember when they first told me about it, I thought they were kidding. "Really?" I had asked, "why?" Unfamiliar with the concept, they explained it to me. "Its a symbol." they said, "A commitment to God to stay pure until you are married."

I still didnt believe them. Not until they took me to a jewelry store did I start to think anything of the conversation. I didn't understand. I knew how I felt about premarital sex, but I didnt think that I needed a ring to remind myself about my decision. I didnt mind though, and I picked out what I thought was the most beautiful ring in the store; one with a small diamond set in a thin band of white gold.

I wore it most of the time. I was in 7th grade when I got it, and soon enough my 3 closest friends were given one too. I wasn't sure if there was some sort of give your newly teenaged daughters a purity ring sermon at church, but Micki, Jill, Kelsey, and I all wore ours. I wore my ring on my left hand and often times I would get questioned if I was engaged. I usually laughed as it was an absurd concept in Jr. High, but I felt nervous to explain the ring's meaning. I did usually, but every time I was afraid to get laughed at. I dont remember a time that that ever happened, yet I always had that fear in the back of my mind. A fear of not being acceptanced, I suppose, something I pretended not to care about. I knew even then that the rings my friends and I chose to wear would come to symbolize not only our commitment our decision to to have sex before marriage, but our separation from many of our peers.

As time progressed, the ring became more and more significant to me. In high school I started dating, and I made sure that my boyfriend at the time understood my ring. He did and wholeheartedly respected my decision, and it seemed that we were one of the only couples at school not sleeping together. I heard more and more stories of friends and classmates losing their virginity and it made me sad. As I knew before, not everyone had the same commitment as I had. I had to learn to accept it, without encouraging or admonishing their behavior. It was difficult. I knew what I believed, that premarital sex held consequenses, but I couldn't put them down. Christians are so often known for looking down on people for their poor choices, often becoming hypocritcal themselves, and I couldn''t bring myself to do the same.

That boyfriend and I broke up, and I still have to extinguish the rumors that we ever slept together. I still wore my ring, and I still explained it to every person who asked. Recently I took it off, trading it for my Gabriel's class ring. I wore that for a few months, and last week I started thinking about it. "How does this look to others?" I thought. "You've been wearing that ring since jr high and now you take it off to wear your boyriend's class ring?" I knew my conscience was screaming at me, so I gave back the chunky gold ring and slipped on my sleek diamond one on again. I feel better now, and as I stare at my finger I remember the decision I made to wear it, almost 6 years ago. Ive held up my end of the bargain so far, and I know that only God will help me see it through.