To all you moss-lickers who've asked...

To those who have asked, I had every intention of attaining a higher education while living in San Francisco, but unfortunately things do not always go as planned. I went to register for my desired classes, and was highly dismayed when I found them to be full. Terribly discouraged, I kept my chin up, planned on taking summer school at a CC close to Kingsburg, and decided to go for the whole work thing. I got hired at Bubba Gumps quickly, but I very soon relized that Bubba Gumps is full of high energy, smiley people who actually like shrimp. I consider myself more relaxed and at ease with things, so I quit. Id rather be jobless than telling half truths about how much I enjoy the fried shrimp...

So here I stand; no school, no job.

Last night Hannah and I baked cupcakes and today we gave them out to homeless people. Its not like Im doing nothing...

READ ME.

For some reason, I have suddenly become very very lazy. I suppose its been in progression since I graduated, but a combination of no school, no work, and no friends have attributed to the fact that I dont really do anything.

Today for example, I didnt even wake up til noon. Who knew that the body, if given the chance, could even sleep ten hours straight? I didnt, but I do like learning. I stayed in my room and worked on my new cupcake business myspace (free, unlike a website) and watched office reruns until my bladder was about to explode, finally I got up, peed, showered, and ate. (In separate places, which is a necessary clarification if you know me.)

Anyhow, not wanting to waste an entire day, I went down to a cafe and wrote a page asking for advice and I left it, with my email adress at the bottom. I just left it there, folded over. It said "Read Me" in bold letters. I left, feeling pretty bold myself.

Anyhow, my sloth has over taken me leaving me with very few daylight hours to play with. I will venture out tonight with Lauren and we will go to North Beach for Italian food I think. I haven't been out by choice after dark since I moved, so this will be quite an adventure.

I need to start packing.

6 weeks and counting until I move to the city.
As days decrease in numbers, only now do I have little warts of worry.

"Will I make friends?"
"Will I find a job?"
"Will I have enough clean clothes to wear?"

I hope the answer is yes, in fact I know it will be, to those questions at least, but I wonder the time frames. It has taken me 14 years of living in Kingsburg to make the kind of friends I have now. I only hope I will find friends that equal to any one of them.

I dont worry as much about the job as I probably should. I know that with the economy that I might be hard pressed to find a job, but I dont worry about it. I feel confident, but that is because Ive never had trouble finding work.

The last worry is mostly a joke, but kind of not. Im not good at laundry. I know how, but Im not good, nor do I enjoy it.


Anyways, Im off to one of seventeen more days of high school.

Always,
Rachel

Plans.

I am going to the city this weekend.

My train leaves on Friday; late morning will be cold. I will ride for hours by myself, sitting with my computer, feverishly trying to work on the novel I challenged myself to write. Its coming along slowly.

I am excited. Amanda will be there, but I might also be let alone, to explore.
I feel so excited, and hardly nervous, and I will tell you how it goes.

Right now a warm shower is wasting steam without me in it.

Jacklyn.

Im thinking about going by a different name when I move.
Different city, different hair, different name?
Also I want dark hair.

Good Morning October.

The month is more than half over and it still feels like a cool day in August.
The feeling of fall has been robbed from us; me at least, and I was so looking forward to possibly the last autumn I ever spend in the Valley. This time of year is usually so peaceful.

I remember last fall. I was so happy. Everything in my life felt full and complete, and I had ended my 16th year, the happiest of my life. Shortly after the weather changed, things fell apart. It wasnt my fault, or the fault of anyone else. Just as the trees' color changed, I too needed circumstances to be different.

I wanted this fall to be as happy as the last. It has been unfortunate. The weather has stayed hot and my life has refused to be the calm empire it once was. Its okay. Its all a learning expirience, but I just wanted a calm season before I moved.

When the weather changes again, I will pack my things and move on.

Perhaps springtime in the city will settle my nerves.

I left my heart in San Francisco.

I like not having to lie anymore.
I like being able to tell the truth about what Im doing and where Im going in December.
Feels good.